I put an emergency pause on in life to see what the winds of change will bring in the face of my sudden life change. It hasn’t been working very well. I am not healing in any visible sense. The feelings I am having are so different. They feel foreign and I am having to learn how to deal with them.
I miss hugging. Until I stopped giving them I didn’t realize the gift they were giving to me in return. The hugs I was giving compensated for the hugs I wish to receive. Now in my everyday life I can feel the need of my body to step into a long comforting hug. I can feel the anticipation of being held and safe. From the depth of my center right to the nerves on my cheek laying on a strong chest. I can feel the hug coming but I cannot imagine its completion. As if I am stepping up to the warmth of it and the arms do not wrap around me…I am just left longing.
I guess the point here is simply this. I have been down, I have been beaten up pretty well from a couple of directions…but I feel. Even if these are feelings I have to sort out, I can feel.